Perfectionism needs to learn to vacation
Is this task glass or plastic?
You didn’t get a newsletter from me last week. I was on vacation in the Dominican Republic with friends, and I didn’t do any work (for 5 whole days!). But that’s not why you didn’t get a newsletter. You didn’t get one because I didn’t write and schedule it before I left. I don’t think you missed me, but simply ~not~ doing something is a big deal for me.
It’s in vogue to be a recovering perfectionist (and recovering girl boss, but that’s a exploration for another day). I would somewhat identify with that label. I still aim to do everything to the best of my ability, and there’s too much on my plate by my own fault. I take on unnecessary projects; I don’t delegate or ask for help enough. It’s not an original story.
I more identify with this often repeated quote from author Nora Roberts:
“The key to juggling is to know that some of the balls you have in the air are made of plastic and some are made of glass. And if you drop a plastic ball, it bounces, no harm done. If you drop a glass ball, it shatters, so you have to know which balls are glass and which are plastic and prioritize catching the glass ones.”
There are seasons of life where there are more balls in the air than others. This newsletter is an example of a plastic ball. There are literally no consequences if I don’t send one. Repeating that to myself over and over until it sinks in has helped me ruthlessly prioritize.
In 2023, I spoke to the ONA Women’s Leadership Accelerator about perfectionism. I asked the room who identified as a perfectionist, and every hand shot up—not surprising given the collection of ambitious, brilliant women. I recently looked at my slides from that talk, and it was interesting how little progress I’ve personally made in the last two years. Perhaps this will be a lifelong practice.
I shared this quote with the group, and it made me think of last week at the resort.
“It was something adjacent to mania, the way her mind flooded with ideas about how improve, solve, create.” —Katherine Morgan Schafler, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control
I remember laying in bed, with no where to be and no one to take care, wondering if I was resting the right way. Resting! I asked myself if it would be more cup-filling if I was reading by the pool or taking a walk. It was insanity.
I reminded myself about this newsletter. That not stressing to write and schedule it was a gift to myself, a moment of grace. And I could rest however I wanted.
What I’m reading
New to me: An online market to buy thrifted books
Chief: How to Build Genuine Relationships That Advance Your Career, According to a Human Connection Expert
Dan Sinker: In the Who Cares Era, the most radical thing you can do is care
Nuance Needed: How to Break Free from Perfectionism
New York Times: We Are Entering a New Phase of the Trump Era (The part about our deep need to normalize got me thinking.)
Nieman Lab: How new, platform-driven news outlets are attracting young audiences
New York Times: They’re 15. Wait Until You Read Their Newspaper.
The best thing I made this week
These brownies for my nieces who were visiting this weekend.
One more thing
Now that Pocket is shutting down, what are we using to save links?
See you next week,
Rachel
If you’re enjoying this newsletter, I’d love for you to recommend it to a friend. If this newsletter was forwarded to you, subscribe to receive future editions in your inbox every Tuesday.