The time I forgot to buy my husband a plane ticket

I reworked the way I handle the mental load. My village now includes an app.

Last week was really busy, and so, of course, on Wednesday, I woke up feeling like the flu was headed my way. I did something that I don’t normally do: I pivoted. I moved tasks around, changed an IRL meeting to virtual, and decided to rest. I deeply regret to inform you that this worked, and my years of barreling through have apparently not been the move. I woke up on Thursday feeling better.

I was able to make this decision quickly because I’ve recently implemented a new way of keeping track of everything on my plate. As a naturally organized person, I’ve never benefitted much from guides about how to write a to do list or manage your calendar. But then, one weekend a few months ago, my family arrived at LaGuardia airport and were informed by security that there was an issue with my husband’s ticket. He went back to the front desk and called me. The issue was that he didn’t have a ticket. I had forgotten to book him one, and now the plane was full.

Deeply out of character and feeling crushed by the mental load (and the consequence of flying solo with a two year old), I decided to make a change. Using a combination of Kelly Nolan’s Bright Method (I did the free five-day program) and tips from a session with Yaya, I now write down nearly everything that I have to do, and I assign it to a specific day. The moment it enters my brain (“hmmm, I wonder when my annual mammogram is due?”) I create a task and assign it to a day. My brain no longer has to remember it. Kelly utilizes this in her calendar, but I’ve found that I like it better in ToDoIst, my list app of choice.

There have been three big wins for me with this new system so far:

1. When I was under the weather, I could look at what I had bucketed for that day and the coming days and quickly decide that I had the bandwidth to move those items out. The speed here was the key for me. If it felt hard to move things around, I would have just powered through miserably.

2. At the end of the day, I feel done. I feel like I can take a break. I don’t have to do something that isn’t due for another month because it’s on the list, and I know it will get done by its deadline.

3. I’m helping out Future Rachel by setting up recurring tasks. I’ve put in quarterly reminders for submitting for FSA reimbursements and annual reminders for doctor’s visits. Over time, as I add recurring things to the system—I eventually want to add in tasks around Teacher Appreciation Week, for example—it should continue to get easier.

There are seasons of life where our brains don’t work as well. Perhaps you’ve been in one before or, like me, are in one now. My toddler has decided that 5 a.m. is his new wakeup time, and many days I feel like I’m running on fumes. My village includes an app, and I’m more confident now that I can show up as the leader, wife, parent, and friend that I want to be, even when things are stressful.

What I’m reading

• The Atlantic: Introducing Atlantic Labs: Research and Experiments from The Atlantic’s Product Team

• The New York Times: Costco Has a Magazine and It’s Thriving

• New York Magazine: Can the Media Survive?

• The New York Times: For Gen Z Women, Equality Is the Defining Issue

• American Press Institute: Influencer collaborations with local media will benefit journalism — and our communities

• Second Rough Draft: What’s the Matter with the Knight Foundation?

• Market Watch: How the U.S. economy became so hostile to parents — and who benefits

• The Cut: Divorced Men Are Falling for Trump

• Charter: The New Leadership Playbook

And a bonus link: A fun ChatGPT prompt to try.

One more thing

Some organizations take down a public job description once the interviewing process starts. If you do this, create a PDF of the job description and include it in the first email you send to interviewees so they can reference it while they prepare.

See you next week,
Rachel

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