Why receiving feedback is so hard

We have to overcome our instinct that it's untrue.

Receiving negative feedback is hard, whether it’s from your boss about your latest presentation or from a great aunt about the sweater you chose to wear to Thanksgiving dinner. Our brains are incredible, and also… not. When we start to get negative feedback, our brains consider it a threat, and our body responds to that threat as if we were being chased by a lion.

Even though I always want to be better than I was yesterday, I’ve struggled with receiving negative feedback as long as I can remember. A few years ago, I read Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen’s “Thanks For the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well.” The book introduced some reasoning behind those threatening feelings. Our first instinct is to write off the feedback as untrue. We may focus on how the person giving the feedback isn’t a subject matter expert or poorly delivered their thoughts. The text encourages us to take a minute, acknowledge that hearing negative feedback is hard, and consider whether we should take the feedback. Even if the feedback giver didn’t deliver it perfectly or isn’t our boss, is there some truth to what they are saying? Can we find the nugget to help us grow and learn? Fast Company has some step-by-step tips for how to handle this in the moment. (And on the flip side: Perhaps unsolicited advice about first dates should be completely ignored.)

As a recovering perfectionist, it’s always been hard for me to accept feedback without feeling like a failure, but the more I practice, the more natural it feels. Difficult conversations are vital to success at work and at home, and feedback is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. Everything is an experiment, and it’s more than okay to be wrong.

What I’m reading

• Harvard Business Review: What the Best Presenters Do Differently

• Bluesky: Tips and Tricks for Bluesky Search

• Columbia Journalism Review: How Twitter Turning to X Changed Journalism

• Trusting News: Learn how your friends gobble up (or avoid) the news

• Link In Bio: Legacy Media Companies Need a New Social Playbook

• The Guardian: How to survive the broligarchy: 20 lessons for the post-truth world

• The Verge: Can the legal system protect the vibe of a creator?

• The Atlantic: Taylor Swift Is a Perfect Example of How Publishing Is Changing

• NPR: 2024’s Books We Love

• Fortune: 2025 is set to bring a ‘manager crash’ as burnout and lack of support reach a breaking point

• The Trace: The Trace Launches the Gun Violence Data Hub

And a bonus link: The best thing I made for Thanksgiving was this apple crisp cheesecake.

One more thing

There are a ton of career coaches out there, and most of them provide similar, non-groundbreaking advice. Claire Wasserman is one of the few who I recommend whole heartedly. She makes me sharper in a very small amount of time. I’m excited about her new newsletter.

See you next week,
Rachel

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I'm still on Twitter

As Usher would say: These are my confessions.

It’s uncool to like Twitter. Even before Elon Musk bought the platform and rebranded it as X, in the last few years, in media circles, it was mostly looked at as a necessary evil. So here’s my confession: I’ve always really liked Twitter, and I’m sad at the current state of the platform.

Twitter was more than where I got most of my news and some of the best jokes on the internet. It was a place where journalists found out about job opportunities and media gossip. It was a place where I could listen in (for free!) when industry experts talked and debated amongst themselves. Until recently, one of my best pieces of advice for up and coming journalists was to follow people smarter than them and just listen for awhile. I loved that I could easily connect with journalists across the world. It’s a place where I was inspired with so many new ideas, approaches, and formats for journalism.

It’s also a place where I was harassed. One time, a bunch of men were unhappy with a comment I made about an NFL game. My tweet made its way to a Fox News host, and when he amplified his disapproval, I was verbally attacked and threatened, not only on Twitter, but in my email inbox and across other social platforms where people with too much time on their hands could find me.

I don’t believe that any platform can take its place. We’ve been on the internet too long, and we know too much. I think we’re likely to see certain communities flock to one platform or another, which means that journalists will have to maintain profiles in many places. As a journalist, the most important function for me is to have a space where I can connect with audiences, share work that they’ll find helpful, and listen to what they care about. I’m still technically on Twitter, but I will go entire days without checking the app, which never happened in the before times. As far as competitors go, I’ve signed up for Threads and Bluesky. Bluesky is showing the most promise. Like Jay Peters said, it feels the most like Twitter. News publishers are joining, and I share a lot of Kevin Roose’s feelings.

One of the hard parts about moving platforms is recreating your feed. I’ve spent more than 15 years on Twitter, and I’ve carefully curated who I hear from. As people started to leave X and use LinkedIn more as a social platform in the last year or so, I used my Twitter following list as a guide for who to find on LinkedIn and follow.

Last week, I used a Chrome extension called Sky Follower Bridge to port over the people I follow on X to Bluesky. I follow 1,604 accounts on X; the tool found 497 Bluesky accounts. Most of them were right. A few were off, like when it found Episcopal priest Sara Fischer instead of media reporter Sara Fischer. But even if it’s not perfect, it’s nice to not be starting at zero. (Do you have a starter pack I should know about?!)

If you’re investing time into other platforms, I’d love to connect. Find me on Threads and Bluesky. Something I haven’t tried yet: Sill, a tool meant to streamline Bluesky and Mastodon.

What I’m reading

• LinkedIn: What a 48-hour train ride taught me about audience-centered journalism

• Two stories about the Salt Lake Tribune:

  • The Salt Lake Tribune announces plans to be free to all online readers, if donors support it

  • Fueling Salt Lake Tribune’s ambitious statewide news expansion: A look at our new support

• Angie Jones: The Betterment Metric: Do you identify areas for improvement and make them better without being prompted?

• Status: The Verge Editor-In-Chief Nilay Patel breathes fire on Elon Musk and Donald Trump's Big Tech enablers

• CNBC: Is the ‘vibecession’ here to stay? Here’s what experts say

• Nieman Lab: The Atlantic’s Sarah Zhang on covering the science and emotion of being human

• Harvard Business Review: How to Rehearse for an Important Presentation

And a bonus link: I refreshed my portfolio website.

One more thing

This weekend, I made a small craft with my 2 year old to highlight what he’s thankful for. I asked him about his favorite activities or food, but, in the end, he only listed the names of his friends and family that he loves to spend time with. It was incredibly heartwarming. Happy Thanksgiving!

See you next week,
Rachel

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My take on "we're like a family"

This phrase isn’t an immediate red flag to me like others say it is.

In a past role, my boss asked me on a Monday to present to the leadership team that Thursday. I had a doctor’s appointment at that time. I decided the presentation was important, and I rescheduled my appointment. The next available slot was four months later. I was laid off before the appointment rolled around.

There’s a lot of chatter on LinkedIn on what it means when recruiters and hiring managers say their workplace is “like a family.” This phrase isn’t an immediate red flag to me like others say it is. Rather, it reminds me of a lecture in journalism school. My professor put some copy on the board, and it included the adjective “grandmotherly.” She went around the room and asked people to describe their grandmothers. The descriptions were different, which was the point. Everyone has a different picture of what grandmotherly means, and everyone has a different understanding of what being a family means.

When hiring managers use this phrase, they are trying to convey warmth, compassion, and enjoyment. In interviews, I like to ask what I consider softball questions to get at how this plays out. I almost always ask, “When it comes to flexibility, how do you handle a staffer who has a doctor’s appointment on a Thursday afternoon?” This is almost always met immediately with assurances this is no big deal, but I did have one recruiter say that they ask everyone to only make appointments on Mondays or Fridays. That told me a lot.

My takeaway: I love being a journalist, and my work is very important to me. I’m happy to work hard and put in the hours. But I'll never put my health second again. I’ll hold boundaries to make sure my body, my mental health, and my family is taken care of. When it comes time to make cuts, no one is going to remember or care you moved your schedule around to make a meeting.

What I’m reading

• Reason: This Bill Would Give the Treasury Nearly Unlimited Power To Destroy Nonprofits

• Columbia Journalism Review: To truly represent the US, national news organizations need to collaborate with local partners

• American Press Institute: Want to build better politics and policy coverage? Think about people as voters beyond election season.

• Reynolds Journalism Institute: Scheduling rest is crucial for good journalism

• Harvard Business Review: How to Spot a Bad Boss During an Interview

• Semafor: Feed Me’s Emily Sundberg and her ‘studio mindset’

• Fast Company: How maturity impacts your decision-making process at work

And a bonus link: The best thing I made this week were these brownies. I seriously cannot stop thinking about how good they were.

One more thing

If you didn’t have a chance last week, I’d love for you to take my survey. It will take less than 3 minutes.

See you next week,
Rachel

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6 memoirs to read this winter

Memoirs offer a peek into different worlds.

Just over a week ago, I had unexpected and urgent spine surgery. I am not allowed to pick up anything that weighs more than a half gallon of milk for six weeks. No bending, twisting, or carrying. Nothing more strenuous than a walk. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be cleared to resume normal activity just before we fly back to Missouri for Christmas.

Forced rest is hard, which is weird because if you had asked me two weeks ago what I wanted, I would have said rest. Humans are silly. I’m really trying to enjoy this break and take advantage of time on the couch to do things that I always wish I had more time to do. I hope this will allow me to read a lot more.

I’ve always enjoyed memoirs. Well written memoirs read like fiction but with the twists and cliffhangers that only real life can lend. I like to read memoirs to better understand worlds that are different than mine, which feels like the right move in this moment in time.

Here are a few I’ve enjoyed this year:

• Nearly Departed: Adventures in Loss, Cancer, and Other Inconveniences by Gila Pfeffer

• I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself: One Woman's Pursuit of Pleasure in Paris by Glynnis MacNicol

• Safe: A Memoir of Fatherhood, Foster Care, and the Risks We Take for Family by Mark Daley

• The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony by Annabelle Tometich

• Ambition Monster: A Memoir by Jennifer Romolini

• Rift: A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy by Cait West

You can see everything I’m reading here. I’d love your recommendations for what I should add to my list.

What I’m reading

• User Mag: Why Democrats won't build their own Joe Rogan

• The Daily Beast: CNN Down 50 Percent as Americans Switch Off Election Coverage (CNN is usually my go-to for live political coverage, but I found the election night broadcast to be unwatchable this year.)

• Nieman Lab: What would Project 2025 do for (or to) journalism?

• Press Gazette: New York Times-owned The Athletic reports quarterly profit for first time

• Harvard Business Review: 3 Questions Hiring Managers Want You to Answer

And a bonus link: This is my favorite soup to make when the temperatures get colder.

One more thing

I’d love to hear from you. Please take a few minutes to fill out this reader survey.

See you next week,
Rachel

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It's Election Day

I'm not going to waste your time.

It’s Election Day. A huge day of civic duty, waiting, and anxiety.

The American Psychological Association reports:

More than 7 in 10 adults reported the future of our nation (77%) as a significant source of stress in their lives, making it the most common source of significant stress in this year’s survey.

It’s an interesting study to read through.

I’m channeling my feelings and energy into my Christmas plans, deciding on my wrapping paper esthetic and what I want to buy for the little ones in my life. If you want to do turn to something non-election related, I’d love for you to fill out this survey about Long Story Short. But if you don’t have it in you today, no worries. I’ll bring it back next week, too.

What I’m reading

• The Atlantic: Throw Out Your Black Plastic Spatula

• The Rebooting: The news businesses’ complexifiers

• Poynter: Girls in the graveyard

• The Cut: ‘The Best I Can Do Is Cancel Out His Vote’

• The 19th: This election is finally for the parents

And a bonus link: I wrote a piece for Fast Company on how to write better rejection emails to job applicants.

One more thing

Treat yourself this week. I ordered a giant bag of Tootsie Rolls that I don’t plan on sharing with my kid.

See you next week,
Rachel

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